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It was my first secretarial job and I’d never heard the phrase before, so I just wrote down what I thought I’d heard. I thought it was odd at the time, and now I know why... “Sorry,” I said.“It was meant to say ‘ipso facto’, not ‘if so, fatso’. Can you imagine the amount of grovelling and ass licking I’ve had to do to keep the contract? A fucking shit load!!”As soon as he said ‘fatso’ I started to smile. I didn’t mean to. It just happened.“Are you fucking laughing?!” he screamed.“No?” I said quietly.“It’s no laughing matter! You nearly cost me the whole account and you think it’s a laughing matter?”“I wasn’t laughing” I said. He’s beginning to piss me off a little now.“I don’t think you understand the seriousness of the situation! Fucking ridiculous!”“I wasn’t laughing, and I said I was sorry. What more can I say?”“Well you’d better buck your fucking ideas up now, missy. You’re on thin ice.”Wait. Did he just call me missy? What a cunt. Now I’m pissed.“Don’t call me that” I said under. Being early September, the sun had already set at 7.45pm, as we made our way onto the pier. “ You hungry babe?” I asked Kirk, he nodded, “ we’ll get some fish ‘n’ chips then, eat them “al fresco”,” Ten minutes later we were sat at a woden table enjoying our fish supper. “ We’ve been so lucky with the weather, like a summer’s day today, you enjoyed it?”“Every minute A.J. it’s been a total blast!” mumbled Kirk through a mouthful of fish and mushy peas, “ Then again every minute I’m with you is always a fucking blast!”“Aw Kirk that’s so sweet, thank you,” I squoze his arm as he continued to eat, “ what say we finish this then have a couple of drinks in The Coronation then back to the B & B to catch up a little?”Kirk nodded in agreement as he finished his final mouthful, “ Sounds like a plan,” he said wiping his mouth on a serviette, “ have to take a piss though first, the loos still down under?”He drank down the last of his large glass of shandy, “ Yeah I think they are still there,” I.
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